just an idea.

paper.scissors.frock.


its just an idea.
just an expression.
a simple figment of imagination.

this picture describes exactly how I feel.
i feel failed,
i feel abandoned,
i feel like a caged animal,
sedated from the world,
with chains around my wings,
held back,
by my own, 
whatever,
life doesn't matter, 
basically this is life:
we work hard in high school to get to college,
we work hard in college to get a good job,
we work hard at work to make money,
and then, what happens?
WE DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what a wonderful cycle of this beautiful life.
its amazing.
how about we skip all that hard work and just die. that sounds a lot more pleasant to me...
i mean honestly...


WHAT IS THE POINT? 
to be happy? no, thats not possible, thats only for a select few.
to help others? no, the ones who want to help others are the poorest ones, they suffer the most.
to follow dreams? no, apparently that only happens in disney movies and hollywood.
so then i guess its final, we should all sit around and wait for Jesus to come back.


so i guess all of my creativity will be going to waste,
i am preparing for a life of unhappiness, unless God hits me with this amazing gift and talent and opportunity, thats it.


NO. I CANT WRAP MY MIND AROUND SITTING HERE AND ALLOWING IT.
I FEEL LIKE I AM FAILING MYSELF, GOD, AND BEING A LITTLE WEAK BABY.




I AM A LITTLE WEAK BABY.
I CANT HANDLE ANYTHING.


A STUPID PEOPLE PLEASER.
since when does my opinion matter? it never did, it never was meant to.
I never had a choice, it was just false security and hope. there is no hope.


darkness.


whatever. even now I am worrying over nothing.


SO HERE IS MY PLAN:


I am just going to go to lakewood and wait for Jesus to come back, because frankly, that is all that matters.


God bless you.

ignore the rest.

hmmm, i have been such a girl for the past week or so.

and had an adventurous week as well.

but i must say that my procrastination and laziness is going to get me into a lot of trouble. and my, it already has.

i need to work on that.

so, i hung with two silly guys on monday after school.

then i hung out with my best friend wendy after school today and i shot her senior pictures.

<< she is pure greatness.

anywho:

prom is next weekend. i feel sick. :/

and i WONT go into details.

aand,

i will no longer walk the miserable halls of AHS, i will graduate in exactly one month.

i feel happy.

but other than that, life is life.

okay. one more for you:

.

just a stupid poem

eyes clouded over with the block from your gaze
it never was there until it looked at me right in the face
i want it to be the other
but i only see him
just take them both away from me
a new slate, starting thin
this is just a stupid poem i wrote in the middle of the night
my soul awakened by the thirst of your delight
shes sleeping
come find me
the constant battle ensues
when will i realize that the best thing i had was you shoes?

going out on a rainy night

with great people.
I like the way the Aussie's say it.
a night to roam the town we call home,
and time to forget about you.
this way I wont be hurt in the end.
I'm convincing myself that its better this way.
I'm convincing myself of something crazy, no?

Take it away and let me breathe.
torn between two, this isnt pleasant.
i'm not so great with the fork in the road.
i usually carve my own path in frustration.
leaving both sides in the dust.

okay,
im going to be happy and have fun, enough of this indecisivness.
:)

grrr

Not again. This usually doesn't end well. So I cannot possibly let myself in.

Should I believe you?

If it is true then someone will be hurt.
I don't want to be responsible for the damage.
But in all reality, I will be.
It will all be my fault.


New beginnings? I think not.
Old baggage will drag behind me...
I hate to put it that way, but that's kinda what it feels like right now.
Ugh, I'm a horrible person.

Bye.
:)

miscellaneous.

i like the word.

these girls are all amazing.

death and taxes

are the only things that are certain in life. according to my teacher.

Can I just ask this one question?

can you just let me dream?
Because you may not believe it. But i have a bright future. Despite what the economy looks like; even though America is 50 something trillion dollars in debt. (what does a trillion dollars even look like?)i am still setting out to do whatever God has for me. and i am starting that little by little.

updates:
PROM. oh why must this cliche highschool tradition cause so much pain? must we suffer so much just for this memorable night? thats all i will say about this, there is just too much drama. and people are being hurt. its not healthy.

AUSTIN, TX: live music capital of the world here i come! the day after tommorrow. I cant wait to be immersed in the culture of the indie city and then immerse in the presence of God. :)bye.

my "i's" are not capitalized. does that offend you, yeah?

a Dios.

:)

jump to the skies. see how far you can go.

the sunset benders.

bend the light to find those who didn't know they were searching.

Wednesday.

I am reading a Tale of three kings, it is quite odd, I cant seem to put it down, so I guess that means I like it.

Btw... Happy Wednesday:)

secret meeting.

woop. wow. bam. its been a while...
but I'm back for now, and we will see how this goes.
I am sitting in the school library. Its 2nd period.
who knew blogger wasn't blocked in school?
So what has been up with me lately?
Well, fashion wise, its been great! Every week I buy a couple of key items to add some spice to my wardrobe. Which boosts my style and confidence as well. :) Recently, I bought these gorgeous boots from Urban- boots:) which I now wear... everyday.
I cannot wait until summer where I can wear whatever I darn well please:).
*Pause*
My heart tumults in my chest, the librarian walks by with a curious look on her face. No, it doesn't only happen on TV.
!!!!!!! Click!!!!!!
Yea, if my library looked like that I would be here everyday.
Upcoming Events:
PROM- I have a date, well its actually just a friend. And a vintage dress with a corsette. How will I dance when I cant even breathe? Oh well, the night will be grand. Pics of my dress later.
GRADUATION- Finally, the comencement of my 13 years of government enforced schooling...and all that other crap.
SUMMER 2010- need I say more? Well, yes, there are subtopics.
 - VIVA ESPANA- Dreams do come come true. I am taking an 11 day trip throughout all of Spain with  couple of friends. I cannot explain how excited, eager, anxious. ready I am.
 - CANVAS SUMMER CAMP 2010- If you do not know already I go to Lakewood Church, and I'm really involved in the Youth there. Canvas. And this summer is going to be sick, that is all.
 - NIGHTS WITH THE BEST FRIENDS. - self explanatory. YAY!


Well, I got that off my chest.
Lastly, I just want to give thanks to God for always having something to look forward to in my life. I know a lot of people do not have that. Its a blessing to do the things that I can do, the things that I take for granted daily. I hope one day to do alot more and use my God-given resources, gifts, talents, and passions to impact and help others that are less fortunate, that need something to believe in, hope for, love. OK, that is all:)

con mucho amorrrr,
nickymarie.

the crop top

apparently, it is has made its inevitable comeback
and this is a trend that i really love,
go whitney port!

style 1:

I am in favor of this look, very light and clearly breezy. Something that would be great in the summer!

more to come later!

in like

Love? i'm starting to think thats what that was, or a mild case of it.

somos el mundo.

We are the world. so, I just watched the remake, I thought it was pretty good. I love seeing people come together for a good cause, to help people. I also like seeing people sing with so much passion, a few of the singers gave me goosebumps because they brought power to it, like Jennifer Hudson Celine Dion and a couple others. A few times throughout the video i cringed because of some of the singers. and i frowned when the rap segment came up. I thought to myself, why  are snoop dog, akon and t pain here? All t-pain does is autotune, i mean can they even sing? (If you can't tell i am not into r&b, most pop, and rap at all) But then i realized that it doesn't matter what type of music they sing and where they come from, what matters is that they are coming together to reach out and sing for those who are dying. So there, i had to get that off of my chest.

ANYWHO,
so lately, i'm ashamed to say that i have not been inspired. Fashion-wise i have not done anything amazing. I feel dull and uncreative in this area sometimes. It usually happens when i am bogged down with school work. But yes, on Saturday me and my sister went shopping in the horrid place that is known as Forever21. Okay, so before you shoot me let me tell you why i do not like forever21.
I use to be an avid shopper at that store but once i started getting into high fashion and finding my personal style i realized that it was not the store for me. Whenever i shopped there I would end up buying something that I didn't like as much because it was all they had. Also there clothes are not on the good quality side, most of the things that i have from there shrunk and do not fit the same way that they had. Its discouraging. So my mom, (yes my mom) banned from shopping there and now i shop at Urban Outfitters and Zara mainly. And let me tell you, my style has been soo much better. I also study fashion magazines and post on my fashion blog on Chictopia.com which challenges me to do weird and quirky things with my style. So thats that.
more later, follow me!

nickymarie

3 day weekend:)

So funny story:
Yesterday while being a bum and a crazy in my room with my sister, i was playing with my phone and all of a sudden it snapped.
and broke in half, so the end my phone.
and Rip.
But thats not the end!!! My dad comes home and sees it and tells me i can just have his iPhone. WIN? yes, Victory. :))
Okay, this weekend is a three day weekend, and what are my plans? I don't know yet,
I'm thinking of going thrifting on Montrose with my friend Amanda and then going to see Valentines Day on Sunday with my sibs. haha even my brothers, hey, some guys like chick flicks:)
Oh well, in a couple of minutes i shall venture out with my friend to go and volunteer out in the freezing cold! and i will need protection From the Lord to not get sick. amen?

Next post! Movie or Fashion Review!! Leaning towards fashion...

I choose joy

Hello, if I told you all was well in my side of the world, well i would be lying. In my side of the world there is sickness, sorrow, poverty, divorce, slavery, heartbrokeness, hatred, facades, theft, murder, and utter destruction. Those things may all be overwhelming and pretty powerful, but there is something that is much much more powerful. God. Yes, He is. I could go day to day and let all of these things burden me and bring me down, i could be the depressed girl in the side of the street. But i refuse, i refuse to be sad discouraged, i choose joy.

What do you choose?

long time no, write.

Hello, anyone out there?
Well, its been a while, Ive been busy doing nothing and everything. Just wanted to post a random one:)
I like to burn CD's for people, spreading good music is great :) i recently just burned 2 copies of Wolfgang Amadeus- Phoenix. Pretty sick band, Pretty sick album.

You should definitely check it out kids:)

Soooo, I think my mother is coming up stairs, she doesnt like it when i stay up this late hmm....

Okay False alarm. :)

I also like clothes, if you didnt know. My favorite stores are Urban Outfitters and Zara. You should not check them out. Because then we would wear the same clothes, and I dislike that, I mean, why else would i stop shopping at Forever 21? Oh yeah, because the clothes fall apart, thats why. Anywhooo, thats unimportant.

What's important is Spring Break is coming up! I would like to go on a road trip with my good friends. Problem? Parents, would they actually let me? Who knows... I would drive to Austin, Corpus, maybe Dallas. And so on...

Okay its past my bedtime. Good night, and stay tuned for more posts!

always, NikkiMarie:)

lisztomania.

Hello, today has been hectic, and anmoying and all of the emotions put together at once. As usual. I was so busy wondering what i was going to blog about today. Haiti, News, Fashion, Music profiles? Haha, but its late and I dont have the energy to do something awesome like that. So instead, you get my silly face and a great album cover! I have discovered something: New music is just as awesome as New Clothes. Yes, i hath spoken it. :) I am a fan of Phoenix, they are fun and soothing and great to sing along to. Go buy it!

Next album to buy:

Artic Monkeys- Humbug

Until manana, or the day after friends.

Always, Nikki:)

suppose to be studying.

i cant tell you how many times ive said that, or thought it.
this is a pic i took today, i had a vision in my head and im glad it actually turned out good!

im reading dracula right now and its intriguing, which is a first (or second) since most of the books we read in school are somethings that i would fall asleep to.
anyways, hoping for an awesome week! and i hope yours will be too!

on the first day, 1.18.10

i blogged.

hi all, Nicky Marie here. i'm just a 17 year old girl, who is bored from highschool, loves people, fashion admirer and indie junkie. :)

its a new year and i want to start new projects. so this will be one of them.so basically i'm blogging about the exciting things in my life, and the not so exciting things. sounds boring doesnt it? well, yeah it does, why would you want to read about some random persons life? its like twitter without friends or celebrities. anywho, you should read on to find out why... :)